porcini mushrooms 12.04.06

A new day began- blood red poppies, blazingly bright green emerald freshly mown lawns, carpeted grassy nolls blanketed in white daisies,blue skies as blue as a fresh pair of finely sewn levi's jeans,sunny side up sunshine oh so warm on my face and the putrid stench of dried urine and calcified sh*t. ah, i was in rome

day one saw me orientate myself-where the tourists are and where there are even more tourists. i happened to crash land my fighter jet smack bang in tourist central at the colliseum and forum vicinity-the strawberry jam of the donut that is rome. the Colliseum is simply a phenomenal master piece. i went on a guided tour of the place given by Mauro,the purple wearing jumper-and-leather jacket italian from Tivoli(and i thought tivoli was a pasta restaurant in Rosebank). Mauro came with Topgun sun glasses and a swagger like al pacino.this guy was definitely worth a chuckle. he guided us on the history of the place-the gladitorial battles that saw russel crowe become an oscar winner and the thumb up and thumb down that caesar used to determine the fate of a battered pugilist. he explained the genius of the roman builder and the construction of what would be today a modern cathedral, for today sport is a religion. he led us from the entrance to the exit and no further. he tried to sell us guide books cheap cheap. man alive what an edifice.
neighbouring the colliseum sits the palentine hill and the roman forum. i touched the stones Caesar my hero once did and all of a sudden my latin classes i did at school were becoming real to me.

the vatican city,sits on the other side of the river,it rained and cos i like to be nimble,i travelled with no coat.for nothing to remember nothing to forget. i queued for the vatican museum for as long as it would have taken me to hand wash a pair of socks in a drying river. the line was most swift and into the museum i deposited my payment fee.theres only one route to the sistine chapel,you may not go left,you may not go right,theres only one way and that's the popes way,upward and onward soldier. after wading through concrete busts,tapestries, fine bronze vases and salad bowls; through parqueted floor and marble too,upstairs and down stairs,'dont touch anything,im watching you boy' and through a pokey little door ,we finely landed smack bam hook line and sinker into its beanming luminosity-the Sistine chapel,painted by Michaelangelo. it is really quite subliminal,extra-ordinarily colourful,and most intricately detailed. i always thought the world was black and white having watched many a TNT tv show and glanced at many a photo from the early 60's and before,hmm so much for that thought.

for saint peters basillica i again queued,and boy did it rain,so some little granny grabbed my arm and pulled me under her umbrella.we walked, after a while she enquired 'you arent in our tour group,are you? 'no' i offered,she duly released my arm and left me to dissolve in the acid rain that is rome's, and off with her brollie she went. The basillica is probably the biggest space ive ever been into i felt a bit llike frodo,besides my hairy feet,i felt what its like to be one eigth my original size. again he detail is quite special,ive probably only seen this sort of detail on the once great star wars action figurines of the late 70's.
i wanted to be the non-tourist and not take a photo of the pieta-i didnt

rome was so hot i nearly spontaneoulsy combusted.

i visited pompei for the day,wow what a place,i mean i started walking into the city and thought 'gsus what an absolute dump',i could see vesuvius out in the distance and i thought 'gsus why hasnt this town been drowned in another lavatic eruption-it deserves it.eventually after 25minutes of strolling towards Vesuvius and past arbitrary fruit stalls i kind of figured i was walking in the wrong direction,after all i did ask the lady at information,i just didnt listen to her. anyhoo i felt a lil peckish-bird flu? so i picked up some sorta greasy mozzarella and congealed tomato italiante pastry and strolled, having paid a teste, into the real real pompeii. let me tell you that the romans were f8cking geniuses,there's simply no two ways about it. ive realised now in terms of my architectural education,im still that wee kidney bean experiment that kids do when theyre at school that is trying to sprout a leaf. the romans could create/manipulate space, enhance the buildings lightness through detailed mosaicing. they got their hands dirty tending beautiful gardens, they understood gutters. wow i say,wow.
pompeii is extraordinary for having been encrusted by Vesuvius' bile. only 66hectares of its roman self have been revealed and only indian jones will be able to reveal it all,stay tuned for episode 800 .phew.

my trip to pompeii forced me to stop over in naples for an hour,thank f*cking goodness. initially i thought 'wow,a new city,a new experience some new folk i could meet, hell, lemme check it out'.so i leave the terminal building and walk towards the sun, and supposedly the best pizza Italy has to offer.
what i saw around the terminal building were lunatic italians boozed to the hilt,i thought 'hey, this dirty trough aint a place for a kid with a fresh white t-shirt. the only person i met was some italian who thought i was eye-balling him,he actually intercepted me with a bit of agreesion and was about to beat me and stretch me like a mozzarella ball luckily in my best italian i just reponded 'enles engles'. he smiled and walked away from our intrepid, brave hero. ive never been so chicken sh8t. i got back to that teminal building so fast, hid behind a column and didnt look back,adieu naples adieu

i visited the jewish ghetto in rome,a tiny 2 block area,it was toitally jewish,naturally. overlooking the Tiber river sat a huge synagogue.one of or rather the most ornate synagogues id ever seen,detailed in a baroque style-gold leafed and ornate.something special ill say was the rainbow coloured glass petalled dome above. i didnt munch on a shnitzel on a bagel i rather settled for pizza from a big hairy italian,buffallo mozzarella not sold separately,yet more expensive

finely i found true rome,true italy. i needed to get away from the umbrella sellers lingering around the spanish steps awaiting a down pour. i needed to dissasociate myself from those throwing pennies into the fountain with their back to the water and getting their sugar to take a snap,i needed to extricate myself from the the oke selling little ash trays that resembled colliseums.i needed to find the real guiseppe and the real andrea and vittoria(an italian hairdresser that used to cut my hair) and the real mario and luigi. lo and behold, indiana found his temple of doom and i found my true italy and my true pasta, (cost me my nest egg,but hey). i found it across the river in trastevere. its a wee area with break knee cobble stones,and bouganvillas. a street network like abowl of tagliatelle, hordes of foxy italians and a vespa motor bike in every crevice.
for me i enjoyed that the most about rome.

ive become quiet cultured of late ,not dissimilar to a great creamy yoghurt from Woolies. i visited Moses,after searching hard for the leather sandled lad. i kept asking the guards, 'where's moses?',they just stared.
moses was phenomenal, extremely real, extremely glossy-a laser beam would surely deflect. moses was so real and that what i hope to achieve through my soon to be aon sale action toy figurine.

so my good readers i could continue scratching for hours however i dont want bleed

so until another day,farewell my far flung friends.
sweetly
the dan russian bear hunter master swordsman and soon to be action figurine,vespa and p*ss pot helmet sold separately.