i didnt enjoy sleeping on a sweat,kotch and snot stained heathrow couch,nor did i enjoy sleeping on a leather lounger in schipol airport,nor did i find it pleasant not showering for 2 days. nor did i find it pleasant missing every connecting flight that id booked, nor was it true that sheremetyavo 2 and sheremetyavo 1 (moscow airports terminal) were within walking distance and
nor was it a dream missing a day of my tour to russia. for those 2 days the only solace i got was reading albert einstein's biography in an aiport toilet cubicle.the russian airline dropped us skidding on the frozen runway safely. like a furry moth to a fluorescent light, so the greasy taxi drivers were drawn to me by the glint of my smile. having parted with loads of my US dineros, i was driven in a car built pre-yuri gagarin's orbit and dropped in the safe hands of a 3 star hotel.
St petersburgh is straight out of a james bond movie, i was now in russia and i was full o
f love.st petes wasn't white with snow, but Mars dusty. she's large,rather large,with vast boulevards wide enough to accomodate a tank, a missile launcher,mig fighter jets and ten thousand troops side by side. the boulevards are lined with buildings stark,edgey, intimidating and brutal. i was a bumbling idiot,shivering at the knees.
the nevsky prospekt is her primary artery, it left my blood pulsing at the beauty of russian woman, what with their icey blue eyes,porcelain smooth skin and a seemingly unkno
wing awarness of their powers of attraction.many most adorned in furs,and furry hats. PETA wouldn't dare be flashin naomi campbell in these parts.she'd be shot,gutted,strung up to dry and woven into a pair of snow boots.the icey cold of russia is surely intimidating. the cold is made colder by the harsh environment that russia is.
i visited the winter palace and its guilded interiors,walked on a frozen lake,shat a load but i was safe.i avoided indoors as much as possible,i needed the frosty environment to burn my withereing dry skin,i needed to feel russian.i needed to allow my long johns to play an active roll,they didnt. i criss crossed the city on foot,covering as much as a poppy seed on a hamburger bun. the massive river throbbing through the city was frozen stiff,the ice flaked like a wedding cake. it was awesome.
pskov a once
trading port at the confluence of a number of rivers, took boiled bay leaves and beat the living blood outta me,heated me to 80 degrees celsius and dumped me into a frozen lake.where im sure i dislocated my arm having slipped on the ice.i was no eric roberts screaming, 'pop it'. but i sure couldn't feel myself after that. we certainly did over kill on the cathedral front,but joy came to me as i slid down hills,drank rusky vodders,munched russian naartjies and punished russian bears...uh i mean beers.we hit a rusky club real hard. after heading to the bar more
than 5 times i was awarded a chuppa chup.it was the dream gift to keep my drool in me and not on my blue suede shoes.the pechory monastry is alongside estonia. we snaked its under ground cemetry,i wasnt scared, cos i dont ssee dead people.
me and the XL chuppa chup i bought boarded an over night train to moscow. i was in a cabin with our rusky guide, my chuppa chup and this other rusky. so i figured i'd pull out my best russian and start chatting. so im struggling with the word zdravstvu..zdrasv, then he belts out, 'i speak english.' gsus i felt like a bit of a left over burnt chop on a sunday barbeque.
moscow is a far
more globalised city than the quiet st petes-it's bustling, energised, and frikking freezing. this city too is so huge if id walked it im sure id be a midget by now,wearing myself away. their underground is efficient,negotiable and rife with pigs. each station is unlike any other.the decoration is detailed,the spaces vast. the trains-wooden ply and leather. the network is in the 30's,its in the past, and i was loving it.saw an ice hockey match,didnt know my a*s from my elbow regarding rules and stuff,but if millions of a
mericans dig it, it must be alright.i stumbled and slid on the black slate stoned iced red square and saw lenins embalmed body.was the red granite monolith housing the body russia's answer to madame tussauds?.
i peeled the veneer of most moscow post cards and revealed the tangible,fairytale of the detailed onion domes and magnificent colours of st basils cathedral. it left me in tears.
moscow is full of wealth.it was like a showroom of ganster vehicles, louis vuitton, b
entleys and my weary levi's jeans. it constantly felt as though i had someones eyeballs plastered to my back. i didnt know what i could photograph,or who i could stare at. the intimidation factor felt huge, left me uneasy like an egg fried in a non-teflon pan.so its not very often that wrigleys gets you in trouble. but again surprisingly the fresh mintyness of the wrigleys bead did a hulk hogan bear hug on me,threw me against the ropes, slapped me in the face,then had me in a hold on the floor as the 3 count was called
and left me shouting, 'mommy'. it was along side the Kremlin that me and katya were nabbed by the po-lice for exchanging the cool flavoursome wrigleys bead. all of a sudden those russian blood filled veins sewn throughout my body,sank back into the depths of my nervous system trying to look oblivious.the pigs demanded identification and after like 20minutes they begrudgingly let me be. bastardos
gorky park, sounds
a little dorky but it was an organic ice skate park.ey i dont do ice skating,so i watched the russian antics from behind the can of Baltika 7,its a russian brew,rather tasty,it warmed my blood up like alphabet noodle soup.unfortunately the only bear i saw was the unshaven me in the mirror,scary,real scary.
got my a*s from behind the iron curtain by flying home via amsterdam. i was treated to a flight in a fokker 50. its a dutch designed 50 seater turbo propelled plane. i sat window seat
. ive never been in a plane with propellers so i had one or two safety concerns. i just hoped that the kotch stained seat infront of me was no indication of the rippin ride i was about to venture on. it turned out really cool,probably the best flight experience to date.most of my journeys have been driven by the lure of architecture,this journey to russia was an exploration,it was a journey of discovery-scratching away the shrouds,the heresay.
russia seems to run parallel to the western world. seldom did i see points of intersection between the two. she appears as relevant to any place in europe that ive seen although operating a wee bit differently. i will return someday to exhume my russian roots.
hope you all enjoyed the last of a series of european adventures.stay well my far flung friends.until another day in the sunshine tossing frisbee barefoot.
the dan russian bear hunter,master swordsman and soon to be action figurine,russian blood sold separately.
ps when eating this email it might contains traces of nuts.
