
in all my days i haven't been to a gazillion airports, but this airport was pretty overwhelming. it has no neon signs or sparkly bits in the floor tiles,it didn't remind me of scenes from the second Die Hard movie nor did it make me feel at home knowing there was a Macdonalds around the corner.rather its use of warm, sand coloured marbles,rough and smooth textures, an efficient movement of people, views air side, land side, west side and east, its staggered passport control and hot israeli girls in fitted uniforms all made for a glinting smile that'd make my dentist say 'nice work
son, where can i get a set?'

i went to yeshiva for two weeks on a programme,to learn the ancient texts of my people. but i found myself unpacking chicken breasts and loading them onto trays and packing fridges-its a good thing i have space planning skills and am half descent at Tetris. anyone doing this job without that knowledge would surely have plummeted into the dark abyss of depression. maybe these were measures for turning me into a better scholar-wax on wax off. that chicken experience left me tender and as a result i spent eves huddling over the porcelain soup bowl heaving my lungs. i walked outta there emmaciated and scurvied,but learned in the way of the jewish people.
i trekked and carved out a dust path through the city and hills of jerusalem,retracing the battles fought by the defense forces. i visited the wailing wall,it was heaving with pe
ople,i just wanted contemplation time. i walked the uphill streets of mea sharim and felt a wee bit of an outsider. i saw the supreme court, but was not close enough to touch it. its a hilly city and the only way forward is up.

Yad Vashem, a holocaust memorial is an architecture of symbolism. it is a marker, a timeline of european jewry from its flourishing beginnings, to its near demise, to its 'freedom' at the establishement of the S
tate. designed by Moshe Safdie, it is one of very few buildings in Jerusalem not clad in the bright burn-your-eyes-in-the-reflecting-light jerusalem stone. it has a zig zag interior for surely our history has been no yellow brick road.

a ten minute drive from Jerusalem one experiences a moon-like landscape and there we trekked up Masada-it was the last stronghold of the jewish people after the 2nd temple was detroyed by the Romans. the plateau affords happy trekkers views to the dead sea and beyond to our arab neighbours. the journey left my dust filled nose a cave for bats. we soldiered through an oasis-Ein gedi, and finally having sweated and shimmed like a mine workers arm-pit in africa, we made tracks towards the dead sea and a plunge and mud bath awaited.the dead sea. it's dead cos i
f you flogged it it wouldn't get up. its one big chicken and matzah ball soup-its as salty as hell, tepid like a flat coke on a hot summers day and you float like a matzah ball. all in all a recipe for good health. i donned the dead sea mud, became a coconut and shrivelled to a raisin, but my skin glows now and i can't fall asleep.

jerusalem is a carazy city. the city is no artefact for we touch and inhabit ancient history. all that has been excavated becomes a living element of the city. the city does not become the museum, it integrates itself into modern everyday life. it is a hotbed for all the great religions of the world. and only someone who has visited would know the proximity of religious sites. i have a strong identity towards the land,and at every turn, besides smelling the garlic breath of a local, i feel ive walked where my people did for so many years, i feel ive touched the same stone they had, and studied and read the same text too. a crazy thought, huh?

we spent friday night at the Wailing wall and off to a trio of tishes at around 1am. im not sure i can explain 'tish', so google it. anyhoo one of them was in a room. the 4 walled room was surrounded on 3sides by tiered seating. the charaydim, the religious jews wearing furry strimmels and delicately embroidered, golden robes stand on these benches swaying, singing till the early hours of the eve. their tune is calming, whimsical, uplifting and subliminal. to an outsiders eye,it is totally su
rreal,almot unbelievable. it reminded me of a scene from the matrix. it was something out of judaism i simply could not have conceived of. fruit is then offered to all those in the room. it was a sweet, juicy, cling-peachy ending to an other worldly experience.

a week into my journey something of ours was taken which did not belong to them, and like my mom would always say, 'stop fighting boys, someone's gonna cry.' this episode
ended a possible adventure to the northern cities of Tsfat and Haifa. they'll have to wait another day. bneia brak and a goof in the oh so warm, jelly fish riddled beaches of netanya were a pretty sweet substitute nonetheless.

so im chatting to this cherry,a friend of mine in a bar in jerusalem. at the time i had a beard that would have made tom hanks in Castaway turn into apple crumble. so she goes, 'listen dude why dont you shave that beard, get a
proper job, stop f*cking around and...' here comes the killer......'GET A BMW'. i stared her down, my eyes fired green lazer beams to turn her into jelly and said, 'gees lady, i wouldn't be caught dead cruising in a bmw, im an Audi all- roader sorta guy-with fake mud application.'

while seated in Ben Gurion in the smoking section (the seats were the most comfy), dammit, staring out into the hazey distance that was Tel Aviv, i notice on the t
armac a stream of ethiopian yids get down on hands and knees and kiss the holy land. it's the land im apart of.

anyhoo my friends, country folk and groupies hope alls tough and sturdy like a well jointed brick wall. keep it cool and eat the skin of a potato, it's the best part.
sweetly
the dan russian bear hunter, master swordsman and heir apparent to a pretzel bagel factory(my favourite snack of late)

quote of the day:i over heard an american cherry half my size belting out the following words over her blinger while standing in Ben Yehuda street on going into a club, 'its gonna be cool the more drugs the better.'